Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
