So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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