Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
