it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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