Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
