do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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