i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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