i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
