He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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