my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
