I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
