hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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