Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
