Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
