is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
