Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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