Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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