someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
