honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
