So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
