I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
