gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
