So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
