I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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