Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
