singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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