from now on my penis is your penis
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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