a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
