If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
