im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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