moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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