How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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