I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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