I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
