absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
