She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
