Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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