i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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