i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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