It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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