I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
