Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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