He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
