Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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