OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
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