[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
