I'm so fucking centered right now
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
