the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
