whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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