This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
