I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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