My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize