yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
