why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
