She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
