i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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