Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
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