DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
sex in a hospital.. check
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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