We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize