I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
