I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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