Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
