My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize