She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
