someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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