Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
