and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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